1 note Oct 19, 2011

Embarrassing things I’ve managed to do in the past week

In ascending order of humiliation felt:

• Farted while walking home from work only to have a jogging lady come around the sharp corner as said fart was squeezed out
• Said “Cheeya!” to someone because my brain couldn’t decide whether I wanted to say “Cheers!” or “Seeya!”
• Sent an email reply to someone in which I accidentally left uncensored paragraphs [they were meant to only be there for draft purposes and supposed to be deleted in the final sent version] at the bottom

Oct 18, 2011

So that new chick at work who I’m supposed to hate, well, she likes Jack Johnson. Which means that I hate Jack Johnson now.

I say “now” because there was actually a time in my late teens when I was a really big embarrassing Jack Johnson fan and even attended his concert in a big open park.

Had this been any other person professing their fondness for Jack Johnson, I would have happily reminisced and gleefully confessed to them my own past love, but because it was her, her, I immediately quashed all such lingering feeling.

Oh well. I really fucking hope she tells me she hates the Temper Trap.

8 notes Sep 27, 2011

I’m currently obsessed with this awesomely tragic reality TV show called Dinner Date. Brief description of the show stolen from the website goes something like “In each episode, a singleton chooses three blind dates from a selection of five potential partners, based entirely on menus they have created.”

That right there is pretty much my idea of perfect entertainment because it marries two of my favourite things:

• People failing hilariously in their attempts to be sexy/suave
• People cooking badly and potentially burning themselves

Most people are pretty realistic and share similar sentiments about the night on its completion. ie. they both agree there was little chemistry/physical attraction, they both agree the homemade meal sucked, etc etc.

But my favourite outcome is when there is obvious incongruity in each party’s sentiments about the date. ie. when asked to rate the night out of a possible 3 stars, the male mentions a lone star, while the overconfident look on the girl’s face expresses a number of stars representative of Orion’s Belt.

That part’s painfully embarrassing to watch, but also painfully heartbreaking on many levels because I guess it reminds you of the times when you were last filled with as much giddiness, delusion and courage, and openly welcoming yourself to humiliation and the idea that someone might think constellations of you.

12 notes Sep 26, 2011

This is my first post in almost a year. Woahs. Not much has changed on the blog since except that the section down there no longer says that I’m still 26. Which is good. Because the 26th year of my life was one that sucked more than it ruled. I think this 27th year is going pretty sweet so far.

I’m thinking of starting a Tumblr about the new girl at work who is annoying the crap out of me. Her yet-to-be-bulk-printed business card would technically read ‘Marketing Manager’ but I think she imagines the title section to look something more like:

Marketing Manager
Photoshop Expert
Life Champion
Hottest Girl In The Office

She claimed she was some Photoshop expert. And then she asked me to come around to her desk and tell her why she was clicking repeatedly and unable to edit anything in some PSD. I showed her how to unlock layers.

Also, she insists on centre aligning text on all new marketing material.

Also, the only feedback she could give a fellow web designer about some work he’d presented to her was that she didn’t like it because “the gradient looks muddy” and “the colour needs to pop more”.

Actually, I’m kind of too lazy to start up a new Tumblr so I might just start that here. I hope she never finds this.