ohyou.org
this is my place on the internet where i collect internet things
4 notes Apr 22,
2010
Looking through my old blog last week I stumbled upon this particular entry,
which made me cringe a lot. Dated 2nd February 2005, I think it was supposed to be a boyfriend application of some sort where the ideal applicant was jokingly supposed to answer ‘yes’ to the questions below.
It’s pretty hilarious how certain questions remind me of certain people.
For example, “Know how to maintain a good conversation? Without talking all about yourself?” has to do with one particular guy I dated who was so obsessed with himself I’m pretty sure he wanked to his own photos. I think this dude is actually the same dude with the wandering eye who I was referring to in “Look only at me when we’re talking?”
And then there’s the other dude who made “Always wears socks with shoes?” an important criterion after turning up wearing dressy white crocodile leather shoes [!!] without socks [!] to our first date. Funny how at the time I was offended more by the lack of socks than the wearing of the horrible shoes. I should probably amend the application to clarify that both fashion efforts are criminal.
Do you have soft hands?
A shaved head?
Facial hair?
Broad shoulders?
Hairy legs?
No tattoos or piercings?
Is your kissing style similar to mine?
Your libido?
Your idea of romance?
Your sense of humour?
Will you laugh at my jokes?
Make me feel funny?
Intelligent?
Pretty?
Safe?
Wanted?
Do you give thoughtful gifts?
Give clever compliments?
Button your shirts right up to the point of choking?
Are you quiet most of the time?
Loud some of the time?
Shy most of the time?
Confident some of the time?
Do you hate wearing jewellery?
Hate celebrating birthdays and anniversaries?
Hate excessive public displays of affection?
Hate typing the ‘www’ before a URL?
Are you a decent dancer?
Or a bad dancer who gets on the floor anyway?
Are you open-minded?
About Macs?
Music?
Humans?
Are you decisive?
Hardworking?
Uncompetitive?
Immature?
Painfully honest?
Disgustingly messy?
Jokingly kinky?
Will you make me feel nervous?
Make me feel at ease?
Never say sleazy cheesy generically romantic things?
Without being sarcastic?
Are you literate?
Computer literate?
Internet literate?
Do you shower often?
Take minutes to get ready?
Dress effortlessly cool?
Always wears socks with shoes?
Are some of your best wardrobe items worth $5?
Do you love seafood?
Japanese cuisine?
Italian cuisine?
Inside jokes?
Do you hate large crowds of people?
Going to the gym?
Raising your voice at me?
Fighting?
Do you like it when I burp?
When I talk to myself?
When I read aloud?
Do you have decent ironing skills?
Decent phone skills?
Know how to maintain a good conversation?
Without talking all about yourself?
Will you ask me questions about me?
With genuine interest?
Without being reminded?
Will you look me in the eye when we’re talking?
Look only at me when we’re talking?
Do you like public transport?
Hate fake nails?
Know ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ trivia?
Know my phone number and full name off by heart?
Do you believe in love?
Karma?
Fate?
Foreplay?
Can you beat me at Scrabble?
Beat me at Chess?
Will you offer me a draw to rescue my hurt ego?
Offer me the window seat on a plane?
Offer me the leftovers from your meal?
Are you low maintenance?
Tight with your money?
Easy to undress?
Do you know how to cook?
Know how to rollerblade?
Know how to make me stop crying?
Do you like sleeping?
In?
Late?
A lot?
Together?
Do you hate pillows?
Like blankets?
Like spooning?
Will you let me be the back spoon?
And sleep with my nose in your neck?
And my hand on your stomach?
Do you like your space when you sleep?
Your space when you’re awake?
Do you like to travel?
Have poor hygiene?
A dysfunctional family?
A beergut?
Will you let me rub it in public?
Hold my hand in public?
Proudly be seen with me in public?
Do you like dogs?
Plants?
Children?
Fridges?
Barbecues?
Grocery shopping?
Unpunctuality?
Are you not a fitness freak?
Do you like carbs?
ABOUT: stuff about me
Hi. I'm Rhea. 27. Web Designer Type Nerd Person. Sydney. This is my place on the internet where I collect internet things. I enjoy boardgames, 3D Magic Eye Puzzles and, piggybacks. Things I like about me: an ability to laugh at myself, my mega memory and, my above average parallel parking skills. Things I like about other people: an ability to make me laugh, a broad knowledge of random trivia and, a willingness to perform full body massages. I like to collect: business cards, records and, chess victories.
I am terrible at: making friends, accepting criticism, accepting praise, not fidgeting and, declining full body massages. I adore: beerguts, buzzcuts, bowlcuts, interested and interesting, hands in pockets, breakfasts in the afternoon, facial hair, metaphors, speech impediments, nostalgia and literacy. I am undecided about: tickling. I believe in: gut feelings, karma, tangents, lust, softness, mistakes, dinosaurs, magic, comfortable silences and most conspiracy theories. I also have a cat named Radioactive Man.
